When Helping Others Is Driven by the Need to Be Needed

Pastors and ministry leaders often carry more than they realize. As they walk alongside people facing addiction, grief, trauma, and loss, the weight of those stories can quietly accumulate—leading to exhaustion, blurred boundaries, and burnout. In this compelling highlight from our longer conversation, guest Bethany Dearborn Hiser joins host Jason Daye to explore the often-overlooked reality of secondary trauma in ministry and the healing that begins when leaders finally acknowledge its impact.

Bethany shares from her own journey of recovery, naming how codependency, workaholism, and misplaced responsibility for others’ wellbeing can entangle a leader’s identity and health. Drawing on insights from recovery communities and her book From Burned Out to Beloved, she explains why the first step toward healing is a courageous admission: we’re not okay—and we can’t do this alone.

Together, Bethany and Jason unpack how ministry leaders can engage people with empathy without becoming consumed by their pain. They discuss the importance of healthy separation, examining inner motivations, and building intentional networks of support through spiritual direction, therapy, and trusted community.

The conversation also addresses the deep identity struggle many pastors face—when worth and value become tied to productivity, success, or helping others. Bethany offers a different vision: rooting identity in being beloved, not useful. Through spiritual practices like welcoming prayer, slowing down, and cultivating rhythms of rest, leaders can reconnect with God’s love and serve from a grounded, healthy place rather than guilt, shame, or the need to be needed.

This conversation is a must-watch for:

• Pastors and ministry leaders carrying the emotional weight of others’ trauma
  
• Leaders experiencing burnout, compassion fatigue, or blurred boundaries
  
• Those serving in recovery, care, or crisis-centered ministries
  
• Anyone seeking healthier, Christ-centered rhythms of leadership and rest
  

Key Topics Discussed:

• What secondary trauma looks like in pastoral ministry
  
• Recovery as a framework for healing ministry leaders
  
• Codependency, workaholism, and unhealthy motivations in service
  
• Why identity rooted in “what we do” leads to burnout
  
• Being grounded as God’s beloved, not defined by outcomes
  
• Spiritual practices that foster healing, rest, and resilience
  

👉 Watch the full episode for deeper insight into how pastors and ministry leaders can experience healing, reclaim their identity, and lead from a place of belovedness rather than burnout.