Actively Engaging in Soul Care : Barbara Peacock

Full-Text Transcript

As pastors and ministry leaders, how can we better care for our own souls as we care for the souls of others?

Jason Daye
In this week’s conversation on FrontStage BackStage, host Jason Daye is joined by Dr. Barbara Peacock. Barbara is an award-winning author and a passionate spiritual director and teacher. She’s earned degrees from both Princeton Theological Seminary and Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary. She’s the founder of Peacock Soul Care, and her most recent book is entitled Spiritual Practices for Soul Care. Together, Barbara and I explored the importance of actively and intentionally engaging in our own soul care as we serve others. Barbara also provides some incredible insights about the relationship between community and caring for our souls. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Jason Daye
Hello, friends, and welcome to another insightful episode of FrontStage BackStage. I’m your host, Jason Daye. We’re proud to be a part of the Pastor Serve Network. Every single week, I have the privilege and the honor of sitting down with a trusted ministry leader and we dive into a topic to help you and pastors and ministry leaders just like you embrace a healthy, sustainable rhythm for both your life and ministry. Not only do we have this conversation, but we also create an entire toolkit for you that complements the conversation that we have every week. You can find this toolkit at PastorServe.org/network. Now, in that toolkit, you’ll find a ton of resources, including a Ministry Leaders Growth Guide. You can use that growth guide yourself to personally dig more deeply into the topic that we discuss and we encourage you to use it with the ministry leaders at your local church. So together you can grow. Again, you can find that PastorServe.org/network. At Pastor Serve, we love walking alongside ministry leaders and if you’d like to learn more about how you can receive a complimentary coaching session from one of our trusted coaches, you can find that information at PastorServe.org/freesession. So be sure to check that out as well. Now, if you’re joining us on YouTube, please give us a thumbs up and take a moment to drop your name and the name of your church in the comments below. We absolutely love getting to know our audience better and we will be praying for you and for your ministry. Whether you’re joining us on YouTube or your favorite podcast platform, please be sure to subscribe and follow so you do not miss out on any of these great conversations. We have a wonderful conversation for you today. At this time, I’d like to welcome Dr. Barbara Peacock to the show. Barbara, welcome.

Barbara Peacock
Thank you. I’m delighted to be here.

Jason Daye
Yes, thank you for making the time. I’m very excited about our conversation today because we’re going to be focusing on this idea of soul care. Spiritual practices to refresh our own souls as we serve others in ministry. Barbara, oftentimes as pastors and ministry leaders, we’re busy caring for others. But we sometimes don’t slow down enough to experience soul care for ourselves. Barbara, as we are looking at this topic of soul care, talk to us just a little bit about this interesting and unique phenomenon with us as ministry leaders that we are more apt to give and we struggle sometimes with slowing down and receiving.

Barbara Peacock
Amen, yes, when you share that thought I was thinking about Genesis 2, I think it’s 2 and 7 when God breathed into Adam, or a-dom, the breath of life and Adam became a living soul. Adam was in a state of calm, peace, and rest when God breathed the Ruach, the breath of life, into him. This breath went into his soul and his soul became living. It was all of him. It wasn’t just part of Adam, it was all of Adam. So when we talk about the necessity to slow down, to take a “selah” moment, or to be fully present with God, fully present with ourselves, and fully present with each other is all of us. So in this society that we live in, it’s so inundated with what we call busyness and I have an acronym for busy. You may like it or you may not like it, but I’m going to share it. An acronym for BUSY is Being Under Satan’s Yoke. So it’s really the enemy’s desire to keep us busy, to keep us over-extended, and to keep our calendars packed. But I love the way the psalmist says it in Psalm 46:10. He says, Be still. In other words, to stop, to cease, to yield, and to let go. “To be” is an imperative statement. You be. Be still and know. Not to doubt, not to waver, not to question, but to be still and to know that Yahweh is God, He is Lord, and He’s sovereign. So that’s a call to come away and to spend time with the lover of your soul. In order to practice soul care, there must be an intentionality. I will go so far as to say that if we have everything else in our schedules, our meetings, our sermons, our sermon prep, and our prayer time. Our prayer time is part of our resting moments, but to put that time, so that devoted time with God, upfront. To make it a priority.

Jason Daye
Yeah. What’s interesting is that we can get caught up in doing a lot of God-related stuff, and good stuff, right? Good ministry things that all relate to God. Sometimes the danger might be that we feel that we are close to God, or we’re drawing closer to God because we’re involved in a bunch of God stuff, right? So, Barbara, talk to us a little bit about some of the cautions that we need to be aware of, especially for us in ministry, that we don’t confuse ourselves and think, Hey, we’re good.

Barbara Peacock
Do we ever get good? It’s a life-long process. God is a jealous God and he says to us that we are to have no other gods before him. So I believe what we spend most of our time with is our God. God gives us all the same amount of hours per week, 168 hours. So in the faith community, we seek to be committed to paying our tithes. We know that’s the 10%. So if we make $100,000, then we go off our gross and we give $10,000, and then we give an offering. Likewise, out of those 168 hours, how beautiful it is to tithe our time and to have that intentionality of being with God. Jason, several months ago, maybe it’s been years now, I was reading the model prayer that we find in Matthew 6 where Jesus taught his disciples, traditionally known as the disciples prayer, but Jesus taught His disciples to pray. He said, When you pray, pray in this manner, say, Our Father, well, the Lord had me back up into that text. It says, When you pray, there in Matthew 6, when you pray, enter into your closet and your Father who is in secret will reward you openly. But there’s another phrase and it says, When you pray, enter and shut the door, close the door. So in other words, tune out all of the distractions. So with that scripture, it became very clear to me that there is a readying process before the entering. This is life-transforming. So yes, we want to get to the discipline of prayer. Yes, we want to get to the discipline of meditation. Yes, we desire to get to the discipline of contemplation or even the discipline of Lectio Divina, sacred reading, or Visio Divina, sacred visual. But there is a readying and even this morning, Jason, I was practicing it. I was like, well, and I kept practicing it over and over and over again to ready myself, to get my mind focused, to discard all of the extractions of the world. To ready myself to enter into God’s presence and to center myself. So what am I saying? From that prayer, the model prayer, I believe some of the prerequisites should be considered such as readying, entering, centering, and praying. By the time you go through that process, you’re really excited and ready to pray. So many times we rush into prayer. So many times we rush into so many of the spiritual practices and disciplines. We may rush into preaching, we may rush into teaching, we rush into contemplation, but God is saying step back and exhale.

Jason Daye
Amen. I love that, Barbara. You know what’s so fascinating as you’re sharing that? One, that is such an inviting thing. Like we hear that and we’re like, wow, that’s where I want to be. There’s that hunger and there’s that thirst for that preparation, that openness, and that kind of resting in the hands of God in that moment. Yet, as you’ve said, oftentimes we’re go, go, go go, we’re preparing this, we’re trying to do this, or we’re trying to get this done. Whenever we think of this idea of entering into God’s presence and preparing ourselves, as you’ve said, what are some key ways, Barbara, some key practices to get us into those spaces where we can really receive at a deep level from God?

Barbara Peacock
Oh, that’s a beautiful question. My husband and I are in somewhat of a retirement space that we live in now. We used to have a room that I had that was fully dedicated to prayer, study, and writing. I would have a little sign on the outside. Like, “do not disturb” or “praying”, but just something to let others know that this time is set apart. So not only is this time set apart, but there’s a space set apart. So you have the awareness of the necessity of coming away. But others honoring that space as well. You have a space set aside, you may not have a room, you may have a closet, you may have a bathroom, you may have a corner in the porch, you may have a full yard, or you may have a pool. Whatever you have, I pray for a spirit of consecration and a spirit that that space is set apart. You know there are spirits everywhere we go. If you go to New York, it’s like go, go, go, go, go. If you go on the farm in my hometown, which is Whiteville, North Carolina, I mean, everything is at a snail’s pace. If you go to Charlotte, it’s somewhere in between. So having an intentionality of having a space to come aside and also having tools that can be helpful. For some, that tool may be music. For some, that tool may be silence. For others, that tool may be a visual. For others, that tool may be a candle or a fragrance. But creating a space. We may call it a sacred space, we may call it a safe space, but creating space and time, not just in your written calendar, but in your physical space. And creating an atmosphere where not only you are aware of what’s happening to you individually, but others are mindful, if you have others that you have to consider as well, that they will respect that space and time. And the importance of Sabbath. The importance of Sabbath. I just want to cry right there. For us to observe the Sabbath is not a recommendation. It’s a commandment that we find in Exodus 20. Jesus observed the Sabbath, but we’re not to be so religious about the Sabbath. He also healed on the Sabbath. But the command is to remember the Sabbath day. In other words, remember to take weekly time out and to remember Jubilee. To remember to take an expanded amount of time out. In order to rest, in order to take a Sabbath, it requires trust. So when we trust God during the Sabbath, when we trust God during the Jubilee, we’re saying, God, I need you. I need this refuel and I need this restoration. But I also have to believe that you can do more with my time than I can. Because if I depend upon myself, I really can’t do all that you’ve called me to do anyway. So why not trust? We live in a society that kind of propels itself. The more you do, the more you do, the more you do, the more you do. So let’s rewind. The less we do, the less we can do. So you may have to begin to slow down as you are preparing for your Sabbath. Now say you haven’t taken a Sabbath, you might not be able to take a whole day right away or a whole weekend. But begin with a few hours, then go to half a day, then go to a full day, and then go to the whole weekend. During the Sabbath, you do things that bring you a spirit of restoration and peace.

Jason Daye
Yeah, I absolutely love that, Barbara. I love the two sides of the Sabbath thinking because oftentimes when we think of Sabbath, we’re thinking of that restorative side only. We’re thinking of that refreshment side, but you just made an incredible point that I think really applies to probably everybody, but I know for us and ministry, and that is the trust side of Sabbath. Because not only are we resting so that we can be refreshed. But at the same time we are saying, God, this is dependent upon you, we trust you with it, it’s not all on our shoulders. So it’s that idea of reminding ourselves that God is God, right? In ministry, sometimes we feel the pressure of trying to fix things, restore relationships, or draw people closer. We feel kind of that responsibility. But that Sabbath gives us that time to not only refresh our own souls but also kind of realign ourselves and say, God, you’re the one. I’m just a tool, an instrument in your hand. You’re the one doing the work. Right, Barbara?

Barbara Peacock
That’s right. That’s right. He’s large and He’s in charge.

Jason Daye
I love that, Barbara. Now, in your book, Spiritual Practices for Soul Care, which I absolutely love, you take 40 different practices and you devote a chapter to each, you explain it, and then you invite people to engage in it. One of the things that I love about all these spiritual practices that you lay out is just even the way that you title the chapters. They’re all actions. They all end in I-N-G, which really resonates with me because that reminds us that we’re engaging in something. Talk to us a little bit about that. It may seem like a small thing, but I think it’s significant. So talk to us a little bit about the idea that you’re trying to encourage us and remind us that this is an action that we’re engaging in.

Barbara Peacock
Yes, I definitely wanted and desired that each discipline was an action discipline, not just something we read. So the first discipline is the discipline of loving. Obviously, that ends in I-N-G, which means that I just don’t use love as a noun, but love as a verb. So I’ve become, I am love, but I am loving. So as I was thinking about these disciplines, and I desired for all of them to end in I-N-G, I asked my husband because he’s good with acronyms. Can you give me an acronym for I-N-G, as you read in the book? He says, in need of God. I was like, that’s great. We are in need of God to help us operate in the spiritual disciplines. Then it’s not only I-N-G loving, but loving today, like, there’s an urgency. So I was talking to my professor and one of my mentors, Dr. Steve Makia, and he said, Barbara, does every one have to be today? I was like, yes, every one has to be today. Not that you’re going to practice every discipline today. But today is a good opportunity to practice loving, and loving, Jason, is my favorite discipline because God is Love. You see it’s my favorite and my first one. God is love. God first loved us, and it’s out of our love that we receive from God. Now that we are equipped to love Him, He gives us love. So we receive God’s love. So right now I receive God’s love and I shout hallelujah because I haven’t done it today and it feels good. So, God, I receive your love. I thank you for first loving me and because you are love, you’re the very essence of love, I ask you to fill me with that love, the fruit of the spirit, be filled with the Spirit. Then the first fruit, I love you back with the love that you gave me because if you didn’t give me love, I wouldn’t have love. I love the way David says it. He says, my cup runneth over. So, God, I desire my cup to run over. So not only do I have enough to love myself, I have enough to love my husband, I have enough to love my daughter, my son-in-love, my grandchildren, my siblings, and others. So yes, I-N-G is active today. Let’s do it. Receive God’s love. Receive God’s peace. Receive God’s rest. Receive God’s restoration. Receive the spirit of freeing. In the book with the discipline of freeing, knowing that when God sets us free, we are free indeed. I end the book with the idea of communing. Communing with God. So yes, I’m a big proponent of the I-N-G, as well as doing it when, Jason?

Jason Daye
Today! I love that. I love that because sometimes we can think about the idea of spirituality and we kind of think of it as something to look at, to observe, to read some of the great writings of those who have come before us, which is all wonderful and good. But the idea of, listen, we’re not just learning about spirituality, we’re engaging in our spirituality, which I absolutely love. Now, Barbara, as we’re thinking about pastors and ministry leaders, you spell out 40 different spiritual practices for soul care. What are some of those practices, Barbara, that you think might be a little more challenging for someone to engage in? What are some of the ones that you really need to carve out some time and dig a little more deeply into?

Barbara Peacock
Well, let me pick up my book and see if one may be challenging. Oh, my goodness. In part five, when I talk about soul care and self-care and making the distinction between soul care and self-care, the discipline of being chastened, to be chaste and have purity. But I think another one which is definitely, here’s another one of my favorites. Which one is your favorite? Here’s another favorite. In part seven. This is probably the most challenging for me and I think challenging for many because in my book, Soul Care and African American Practice, I talk about the discipline of detaching and attaching. I felt it was necessary to repeat it here but from a different lens, but still the same concept, detaching and attaching. Now I’m going to talk to the ladies because ladies like to shop. It’s therapeutic. Actually, I think it’s healthy sometimes. But then it can become too impulsive and we can consume too much. So we become consumeristic. Then we realize that we have too much so then we have to detach from that thing. Now gentlemen, maybe it’s sports, or maybe it’s a hobby. But anything that takes precedence over our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ can become an idol. So the discipline of detaching is kind of like the pruning process that we find in John 15. Pruning is painful. Going through the fire and the removal of the dross. Going through the fire is painful. But in order for us to become more intimate in a relationship with God, there must be a season of detachment and attachment. Because when we detach from this, that leaves a void. So that means that the propensity for humanity is the need to attach and that’s how God made us. He’s saying I want you to attach to me more than anything in the world. I desire to be the lover of your soul. I desire that you have no other gods before me. So definitely detachment and attachment. I would think that will be one of the more challenging ones.

Jason Daye
Yeah, yeah. That’s good.

Barbara Peacock
I’m looking at part three. We don’t want to talk about that. Fasting. It can be so broad. It’s not just fasting from food. It’s fasting from anything that gets in the way of your relationship with God. So I guess it can kind of be connected to detaching and attaching.

Jason Daye
Yeah, no, that’s good. That’s super helpful, Barbara. I was wondering if you could share a little bit from maybe your own experience or other’s experiences that you’ve had the opportunity to spiritual journey with. There are times when we face periods of life where it’s kind of the wilderness time, the desert times, and sometimes we are not as engaged in spiritual practices. We don’t feel as engaged in caring for our own souls during those periods. Barbara, for you, what have you found if you recognize that you’re in one of those seasons? What have you found that is most helpful to draw you closer to God in those times?

Barbara Peacock
Actually, Jason, I don’t think there are any shortcuts to avoid this season. Jesus was led by the Spirit in Matthew 4 into the wilderness to be tempted. He was in a wilderness and tempted. We can be in a wilderness of depression, we can be in a wilderness of anxiety, we can be in a wilderness of lamenting, or we could be in a wilderness of grief. Having a wilderness experience is difficult, but we’re not going to get through this life without a time of sorrow and pain. But out of it, the other side of it is joy. St. John of the Cross calls it the dark night of the soul. There’s this season where, well, dark night of the soul is not necessarily depression. Dark night of the soul is this revelation that something is happening and I’m trying to figure out what is really going on in my life. But we also have these seasons of darkness that you were talking about. What it sounds like is that can be the dark night of the soul. But there are distinctions made between that theology as well as depression. But regardless of the dark night, or depression, or anxiety, or overwhelmingness, or a plummeting, there’s a brighter side. So yes, during those times, I know about those times more than I would like to share. I know what it’s like to be curled up in a ball. I know what it’s like not to want to talk to anyone. But you still have your mind. I said to myself, Oh God, I’m an intercessor. I’m a preacher. I’m a teacher. I love your word. But you have this weight. But the beauty of it is that you can’t come out of that situation without the Lord. You can’t make yourself come out. I remember crying out to the Lord. I said, Lord, if you don’t help me, I will not get any help. So difficult times cause us to depend more on the Lord. And truly, Romans 8:28 is true, it will work together for good because we love the Lord.

Jason Daye
Yeah, Barbara. When we look at this idea of spiritual practices, you’ve laid out these 40 spiritual practices. When we look at these spiritual practices, again, going back this kind of full circle. In the very beginning, you talked about this intentionality. That we need to be intentional about making the space. That we need to be intentional about prioritizing this in our lives. When we look at the different practices and the intentionality behind them, how does that relate to when we’re going through difficult times, when we’re going through challenges, or when we’re going through times where we just feel like, in ministry, everything’s overwhelming us? What does the intentionality related to those spiritual practices mean? What does that look like for us in our lives?

Barbara Peacock
Because we will face those dark moments and our spirituality will be challenged, I am a big proponent of walking with someone because you’re not gonna see every side of yourself. We need someone who can see us and help us on our spiritual journey, whether you call them a spiritual coach, a counselor, a mentor, or a therapist. But of course, I’m very pro spiritual director or a soul care provider. That person who is not trying to find the fault or the problem, but that person who is committed to helping you see God, even in your darkest hour. So I think it’s very difficult to see yourself in darkness, just because of the way the mind is regulated. But if you have someone that can speak into you, I mean, I know we can say all kinds of things. Pray and read your Bible. And that’s true. But you may not feel like doing any of that. But it’s important that you’re surrounded by people that love you. Love truly covers a multitude of sin. Love covers a multitude of grief, sorrow, and pain. So it’s important, not just then, but all along your journey, to ask God to show you healthy relationships because you never know, you don’t know when it’s gonna happen. I mean, you could lose a loved one today and be fine for two or three years, and then bam, two or three years later it hits you because you’ve been so caught up in the regimen of your routine. But then other things get piled upon that and then you come to a halt. Seek help. Don’t try to live alone. So isolation is a trick of the enemy. That’s what the enemy did with Adam and Eve.

Jason Daye
Yeah, absolutely. Barbara, I love that. I love that perspective because it’s a reminder to all of us that sometimes we think when we think of soul care or spiritual practices, we’re thinking of these very intimate things, just me and God, and there is intimacy involved. But, Barbara, what you’re pointing to is the absolute value and importance of a sense of community. Soul care isn’t just you and God, although that’s a part of it. But this idea of community, of someone else who’s walking alongside you, on this journey with you, and the beauty of that, right?

Barbara Peacock
Someone caring for your soul. That’s all they’re caring for. They’re not caring about your accumulation. They’re not trying to mentor you to the next level. They’re not trying to help you get to church. They’re not trying to help you pay off debt. They are nurturing your soul. There’s not a better friend than that, or better friends than that.

Jason Daye
Yeah, absolutely. I love that, Barbara, thank you so much. Thank you for taking the time because you’ve really devoted your life to this world of soul care. This has been your calling, you’ve jumped in, and God’s done amazing things in and through you in this space, and with Spiritual Practices for Soul Care, those 40 different practices that you share. Absolutely an incredible tool. An incredible gift to the church. So thank you for your dedication to the space and for not only being engaged and involved in that but also putting pen to paper and inviting people to engage in these spiritual practices. Barbara, I would love for you to share just a moment if people want to connect more with you or with your ministry, how can they do that best?

Barbara Peacock
Yes, we have a website PeacockSoulCare.com. That’s our institute. We are an institute that offers certification, spiritual direction, and spiritual formation. Our next cohort will begin the second weekend of September. I believe that’s the weekend of the 14th. So you can go to PeacockSoulCare.com. You can go to Barbara L. Peacock Ministries, which is our ministry. Or you can email me at BPeacock888@gmail.com. Now, if you don’t email me, when you go to PeacockSoulCare.com, you can leave a comment there. But I would love to share or connect with any of you. Thank you for asking.

Jason Daye
Yeah. Excellent, Barbara. For those of you watching and listening along, we will have links to those websites and Barbara’s email and also links to her newest book, Spiritual Practices for Soul Care in the toolkit for this episode. You can find that again at PastorServe.org/network. Lots of great resources in there for you to dig more deeply into this conversation that I certainly enjoyed with Barbara. Barbara, as we’re winding down I would love to give you an opportunity just to speak some words of encouragement to your brothers and sisters who are serving in the frontlines of ministry.

Barbara Peacock
You know, I don’t mean to sound redundant, but the scripture that comes to mind is simply Proverbs 3:5. So no matter what you’re going through, trust God. Trust God with your family. Trust God with your soul. Trust God with your ministry, your church, your children, with all of yourself, with all of your heart, soul, and mind because this life is too complex for us to figure out, I believe God just gives us a glimpse. To stay in your word. Stay in your word and make time with God a priority. You are not going to be able to do 40 disciplines at one time. But find a discipline that speaks to you. Maybe even find a part, there are seven parts to my book. Find a part that speaks to you and stay there and don’t try to read through it in 40 days. 40 days is way too short. It’s not 40 days, it’s 40 ways. There are other books that can help you. But make a commitment to the great commandment, to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself.

Jason Daye
Beautiful. Thank you so much sister for being with us. Barbara, I certainly appreciate you making the time. God bless you.

Barbara Peacock
God bless you.

Jason Daye
Now, before you go, I want to remind you of an incredible free resource that our team puts together every single week to help you and your team dig more deeply and maximize the conversation that we just had. This is the weekly toolkit that we provide. And we understand that it’s one thing to listen or watch an episode, but it’s something entirely different to actually take what you’ve heard, what you’ve watched, what you’ve seen, and apply it to your life and to your ministry. You see, FrontStage BackStage is more than just a podcast or YouTube show about ministry leadership, we are a complete resource to help train you and your entire ministry team as you seek to grow and develop in life in ministry. Every single week, we provide a weekly toolkit which has all types of tools in it to help you do just that. Now you can find this at PastorServe.org/network. That’s PastorServe.org/network. And there you will find all of our shows, all of our episodes and all of our weekly toolkits. Now inside the toolkit are several tools including video links and audio links for you to share with your team. There are resource links to different resources and tools that were mentioned in the conversation, and several other tools, but the greatest thing is the ministry leaders growth guide. Our team pulls key insights and concepts from every conversation with our amazing guests. And then we also create engaging questions for you and your team to consider and process, providing space for you to reflect on how that episode’s topic relates to your unique context, at your local church, in your ministry and in your life. Now you can use these questions in your regular staff meetings to guide your conversation as you invest in the growth of your ministry leaders. You can find the weekly toolkit at PastorServe.org/network We encourage you to check out that free resource. Until next time, I’m Jason Daye encouraging you to love well, live well, and lead well. God bless.